Dave Chappelle Nearly Ends Portland As We Know It

"Don't tell a secret in Portland. I told four people at the gym, and look what happened." - Dave Chappelle to a crowd of somewhere around TEN-FUCKING-THOUSAND at Pioneer Square in Downtown PDX

Edited to add the best video yet of Dave onstage, courtesy of OregonLive.

Who knows how his innocent comment spread so wide and so quickly. Oh wait, I do -- Twitter! Myself, I got home around 6pm today and see this from a friend on my own account:

Is this Chappelle thing for real? Or is he just trying to punk the whitest city in America?

Whatever do you mean, Michael? A new project from infamously reclusive Chappelle, perhaps? A quick search brought me here , and thus commenced a few hours of furious page resetting and Tweeting (I even hit up this dude for info) and watching the Pioneer Square live cam for signs of a stage. Dave had apparently been spotted all over town, particularly in the Southeast (at Zach's Shack) and supposedly five blocks from my damn house. It didn't seem like there was any way this was real -- him dropping in unannounced at some local comedy club (well, one of the...one), yeah, but doing a set at midnight in the middle of downtown with no permit? It seemed more reasonable to believe he was just in town for Carmelo Anthony's party at Saucebox on Thursday (why the hell 'Melo is throwing a party in PDX is another question altogether).

I went to Pioneer Square at 11, and along with about 100 people, there was also an empty stage -- that had been there all day because of their summer concert series -- and, interestingly, no P.A. As the crowd swelled over the next hour, it became clear that unless Dave parachuted in with a sound system strapped to his back, this shit just couldn't happen. People were crawling all over the fucking place -- on top of walls, pillars, the nearby Starbucks. I didn't necessarily think anything really bad was going to happen -- this is mild-mannered Portland, after all -- but the rapidly growing crowd, lack of a visible police presence near the stage, and some bug-eyed weirdo muttering to himself next to me got me feeling agoraphobic, so I stepped back from a primo spot behind the stage.

Midnight comes, midnight goes, no Dave, expectedly. I travel down to the Heathman, where he's supposedly staying, just to see how much of the throng had relocated there. Only a few people milling about (including Willamette Week expat and gay-about-town icon Byron Beck), so I take off, expecting that's the end of the whole thing, and someone pulled off a pretty great new media hoax.

Then this apparently happens, what must've been moments later:

Dave Chappelle in Portland

Literally the second I get home and step out of my car, I start getting texts that Dave is actually there and performing out of a fucking practice amp that no one can hear. Bullshit? As I quickly found out, no -- true shit:

Dave Chappelle at Pioneer Square

Oh, and also this:



Obviously, this was a guerrilla operation all the way, right down to the people stripping on top of Starbucks, I guess just to remind Dave that, yes, he is in fucking Portland, and we can't go two minutes without taking our clothes off. According to OregonLive, Dave eventually got some actual speakers set up and did a truncated set, although based on Tweets of the people I know, the sound never really improved, and I can't find any YouTube evidence to the contrary as of yet.

What is the lesson of all this? Well, that Twitter owns your soul, obviously. And that Dave needs to do something legit again. Also, I knew there was a reason I moved to Portland, but I had no idea it involved one of my heroes using a tiny speaker to attempt a standup set for a crowd of thousands. Even though I missed the best part of it all, I guess.

Well, if Dave is indeed here until Thursday for 'Melo's party, I don't have a job yet, so if you need me, I'll be lurking around the Heathman.

Hey, I Was There! YouTube Concert Clips, Pt.1

Self-explanatory, right?

Grizzly Bear @ Sasquatch:



(I especially like this one because it shows the security FEELIN' dat indie space-folk-jazz!)





TV On the Radio at Sasquatch:



Mudhoney at tiny-ass Slabtown back in February, still one of the more kick-ass shows I've been to this year so far (and certainly the one most contributing to my eventual tinnitus):

"I got a letter from the Quincy government/The other day/I opened & read it...

... it said I'm a sucka."

Two weeks ago, I attended the Sasquatch Music Festival in Quincy, Wash., a city that -- from what I can tell -- has the Gorge, easily the most beautiful concert venue I've ever been to, and...uh...a kick-ass gas station, maybe? On Friday, I received a letter addressed from the City of the Quincy. Inside, on official Quincy government letterhead, was this message: "Don't come back."



I was so hoping this came from some disgruntled Quincy government employee who somehow tracked down my address through Ticketmaster or something. Alas, it was just my idiot friend Jackie. Good prank, yes, but she fucked up by telling me it was her the next day. Had she waited, she would've had me calling Quincy. So, in a way, she actually kinda lost, even when she thought she won. FAIL!

Behold: The Political Power of Carly Simon In Action

From AllHipHop.com:

President George W. Bush has pardoned rapper John Forte, an affiliate of the Fugees, who has been serving prison time for smuggling drugs, sources told AllHipHop.com.

Forte was one of 14 persons that Bush has pardoned or granted commuted prison sentences.

This wave of White House pardons is Bush's latest, as he has less than two months in his presidency. A pardon cannot be overruled.

Forte was arrested at Newark International Airport in 2000 and charged with possession with intent to distribute cocaine and conspiracy to distribute. Police caught him accepting a briefcase with about $1.4 million worth of liquid cocaine in it.

Forte was hit with a 14-year sentence in a federal penitentiary under minimum sentencing laws even though it was his first offense and he was a non-violent offender. He began his bid in jail in 2001 and has fought the laws vehemently.

Through the ordeal, he maintained his innocence and turned down a plea deal.

John Forte has released two albums, Poly Sci and I, John.

John found an ally in legendary singer Carly Simon and her son Ben Taylor, both close friends. Forte lived at Simon's estate in Martha's Vineyard for about six weeks in 1999 and even spent the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays with the family. Simon and Taylor have lobbied on Forte’s behalf since he was incarcerated.

Much speculation has been made of others Bush may opt to pardon. Most of these involved those that government employees that may have unjustly interrogated suspected terrorists in the aftermath of the September 11, 2001 attacks on the World Trade Center.

A pardon of these cases would severely impede president elect Barack Obama from investigating such crimes.

Man, I remember when Forte got arrested. It was right around the time when I was still listening to Wyclef's The Carnival a lot. And we all thought Bush was gonna go out by dropping a bomb on Iran or some crazy shit. Nah, he's going out wacky.

Flight of the Conchords! *gunshot* New season! *gunshot* In January! *gunshot*

Spielberg and Will Smith Remake "Oldboy": Oh, Dear God, No!&

From the Guardian:

Steven Spielberg and Will Smith are planning to collaborate on a remake of Park Chan-wook's Oldboy, according to Variety. The pair, who have been looking for a project to work on together for some time, are said to be in early discussions about reworking the acclaimed Korean thriller, which centres on a man who is kidnapped and held in a dirty cell for 15 years without explanation.

There are so many things wrong with this idea, but I'll start at the incest: Really, Spielberg? You're going to add that to your resume? Same with you, Will? I think no, which means extracting a crucial aspect of the story.

And speaking of the story: It's the weakest part of the movie. And typically when you decide to do an American remake of a film, it's because the story is worth translating. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely fucking love Oldboy, but the plot is insanely convoluted. What makes the original great, though, is the stunning direction and imagery of Park Chan-wook, and the insanely visceral performance by Choi Min-sik. I have nothing against Will Smith nor Spielberg, but neither of them are going to improve on either of those things. So just leave it alone.

If anyone is going to do this remake, it should be David Fincher, whose style clearly influenced Chan-wook. And the only other person who could bring Min-sik's loony energy to the character of Oh Dae-su is the reanimated corpse of Klaus Kinski. Since the latter isn't likely to happen, this shouldn't happen at all.

Oh, and about Prop 8 II: The Racial Statistics

As mentioned in my previous post about Prop 8, the reported statistic that 70 percent of African-Americans in California voted yes has been getting a good amount of traction in the press. I quoted it as well, with some reservation, because it reeks of scapegoating.

Well, somebody over at Daily Kos has broken that number down. It's a long and, for the math-phobic, headache-inducing read, but the blogger's bottom line is this:

In other words, Proposition 8 would have still passed by 81,565 votes, if Black voters had done no more than reflect the rest of the state's will on the matter.

Still, I do agree with Andrew Sullivan that the gay community needs to do more to engage minorities as we, as a country, continue to try to make that transition from tolerance to full acceptance of homosexuality. Not that whites are any more enlightened, but the black and Latino voting bloc is crucial when it comes to passing legislation, and they need to be spoken to directly -- as any successful politician would have to -- in trying to win votes.